Coping with Termination for Medical Reasons (TFMR)

Therapy for Grief and Healing

You feel empty, confused and heartbroken. You keep wondering how you went from hopeful and glowing, to hopeless and crushed. It doesn’t feel real. It feels like someone is going to call to tell you it was a horrible mistake.

Still, here you are - a parent without a child.

You wanted this pregnancy. You wanted this child. You never considered ending a wanted pregnancy. You were thrilled as your belly grew bigger, you started to wearing maternity clothes and you began feeling your baby move inside you. You dreamt about who this child would be and how your family and love would grow.

But then it happened. The results of a scan or test should have been unremarkable or uneventful but were, instead, unimaginable. The moment is both a blur and forever unforgettable as your world imploded.

You were left with the “choice.”

It is a choice that never felt like a choice at all. If you had a choice, you’d have chosen to have a healthy baby in your arms. Whether due to the health of the child or the health of mother, you are left with empty arms.

You grieve the child you never got to know. Your tears feel never ending. You are angry at the unfairness of it all. You feel betrayed by your body. You worry about getting pregnant again, wondering even if you do, will that pregnancy lead to a healthy, living child. You are scared about what’s next, asking yourself, “How do I tell people I’m no longer pregnant?” and, “How do I go on now?” You grapple with guilt, shame and the fear of judgment from others when you are already judging yourself.

If you have experienced this devastating loss through termination for medical reasons (also known as TFMR or termination for fetal anomalies, TFMA), there is hope.

I get how you feel because I lived it.

Not only am I a psychologist who specializes in grief counseling, I also am a TFMR mom.

When I said goodbye to my son, I searched for a therapist who specialized in terminations for medical reasons, a therapist who would “get it.” When I couldn’t find that, I vowed one day I would be that support to other parents who have had to end wanted pregnancies.

Therapy After Ending a Wanted Pregnancy

Together we will find a way for you to hold your child in your heart. You can find a way out of this pain.

In therapy, we will work to:

  • create a safe place to have your grief and loss witnessed and honored, free of political, personal or religious judgment

  • learn to manage the pain, trauma and overwhelming emotions associated with the loss of your child

  • rebuild a healthy and fulfilling life that allows for continued connection with and love for your child

  • cope with other secondary losses that come with the loss of your child, i.e. loss of identity, loss of innocence, loss of support systems, loss of safety and security, loss of health, etc.

  • learn to navigate pregnancy and/or parenting after loss, or the end of your fertility journey

  • create a communication and safety plan to navigate what feels right and safe for you in sharing your story with others

If you are ready to find healing and hope in this moment of turmoil, send me a message or call me at 215-764-7916.

***Serving patients in-person at my office in Swarthmore, PA or online for patients throughout Pennsylvania, New York and any state participating in PSYPACT (this includes all states EXCEPT AK, CA,HI, IA, LA, MA, MT, NM, OR).