Self-Love: The New #RelationshipGoal

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In the 1999 romantic comedy, Runaway Bride, Julia Robert’s character has a pattern of being in love with a man, until the very minute she is about to walk down the aisle. At that moment, she panics and flees. Richard Gere plays a journalist who comes to identify Roberts’ true pattern – she changes herself with each man and thus, never truly can love the man because she doesn’t even know herself.

In this world of social media, we often look outside of ourselves for validation – how many likes or swipes we get. But if you’re always looking outside, you never learn what’s on the inside. And if you don’t KNOW yourself, you can’t like, let alone love, yourself. Learning to love yourself allows you to know your worth, your wants and what you deserve. Improving your relationship with yourself improves your relationship with others.

The relationship with yourself is the most important and long-lasting relationship you will ever have. And every relationship is work, even the one with yourself.

So, how is your relationship with yourself going? Does it need to be stronger? Do you put as much time and energy into yourself as you would, say, a romantic relationship?

What I often tell patients is, “You’ve got to date yourself.” Dating yourself can lead to more independence, strength, connection with others and life satisfaction.

Here a few dating tips to get you started:

1. Get ready to go on a date

A date should not be just sitting on the couch surfing the internet. Get up, get ready, take a shower, primp yourself, and get out. Put effort into yourself.

2. Put some thought into it

We all appreciate when someone has put the effort in to plan something we would like. Do that for yourself! A movie can be a great first step if you are anxious about doing things alone. You don’t talk while in a movie so it’s a simple solitary activity.

3. Be curious about yourself

Try out activities or hobbies that interest you. It’s just you, there’s no compromising on activities or judgment from others.

4. Protect the time

You wouldn’t want to be canceled on last minute, would you? If you’ve made a date with yourself, keep it. Practice putting yourself first and telling others no.

Few, if any, first dates are perfect. So, even if your first date with yourself doesn’t go all that well, remember, you’re worthy of a second date.