How To Feel Unstuck

Feeling Stuck?

“I’m just not happy where I am, and I don’t know how to change it.”
“I know where I want to be, I just don’t know how to get there.”
“I’m not happy with who I am anymore.”

These are all common things I hear from my patients. We all feel stuck every now and again, and at times, that feeling of being stuck can be overwhelming. It can be felt in feelings of depression or anxiety, or just a general unhappiness in your life. During these times, it can be hard to know how to “unstick” ourselves.

Just because you feel it, doesn’t mean it’s true.

This is a common mantra of mine. It’s a good reminder that feeling isn’t fact. Just because we feel helpless and stuck, doesn’t mean we are. When we tell ourselves that our feelings are facts, it influences how we act and perceive the world.

If I tell myself I am stuck and unable to change, I disregard the power I have over my life. A more helpful thought would be: “I feel stuck, but just because I feel stuck doesn’t mean I am. I am still capable of making changes to get where I want to be.”

Look at feeling stuck as a helpful sign, telling you something needs to change.

Be the change you want to see.

We are not that complicated. Initially, it may be hard to identify what positive things we get from unhealthy patterns or relationships. It makes no sense to us that we keep doing things when we want something else. But, the fact is, we only do things that serve us. There is often a reason we keep doing the same behaviors and engaging in the same patterns.

For example, you may want to lose weight and eat less. But food may be source of comfort when you feel bad. It can be scary to give up a safe coping strategy you’ve relied on for years.

Maybe you are unhappy in your relationship and want to end it. But the fear of being alone is greater than the fear of being unsatisfied in the relationship. So, you stay.

To make change, we must have true understanding of why we do what we do. We must identify what it is that we really want and what need is being fulfilled by the problematic behavior... It can be difficult to see in ourselves what is holding us back.

Once you know what you are getting from the pattern or behavior, then you can work toward change - most notably, finding a different, healthier way to have your need met.

Many people credit therapy as having helped uncover what is leading them to feel stuck and how to change it. If you think that might be helpful, therapy might a good path to consider.